Important statement regarding my mental health.

(Disclaimer: None of the content of this text is real, nor is it meant to mirror real-time events, people, or entities ("entities" being countries, corporations, and non-singular groups). This is purely for entertainment purposes.)
Written by Rokugou3224, CEO and Lead Engineer of Rokugou Systems.

Hi. I'm the CEO at Rokugou Systems. I wanted to address the last few posts that some of you may have seen. However, I'd prefer to keep my identity private for the safety of my family.
You may all know the story of how I lost my dad. He was killed in the first Ali Cruise missile attack. But, that's not the whole story. It goes quite a bit further than that.
Around this time, I was 14 years old, and my dad was serving DSC as an aircraft mechanic. He had taken me onto base for the day since he wanted me to come along during a team building exercise.
I was on base with him for a few hours before the attack happened. He showed me different aircraft, taught me what they did, and how they all came together during a fight. I found it really interesting. I think this is where my spark for Aerospace Engineering came from.
But at around noon, a lot of alarms started going off. My dad had seemed confused and slightly alarmed, but he wasn't too pressed on it, for some reason. I still don't understand why.
About 30 seconds pass, and the missiles we had on site start firing to defend us. He continued to show me around despite the active war zone unfolding around us.
Then we saw a large explosion across the base. He went from slightly panicked to severely panicked. I think the last thing he said to me was "We need to go now." The memory is a little fuzzy.
But then the building we were in was struck. I was knocked to the floor and I couldn't hear anything at all... just this loud ringing. Everything hurts. My head, my body, my insides... it felt like someone had just hit me with a car.
By the time I came to, I saw my dad got trapped under the rubble. He was bleeding out and wasn't moving... and that scared me. I tried to move it off of him, but it was really heavy, and I wasn't the strongest kid. Some engineers saw me and pulled me out with them. The building collapsed with my dad still inside.
I felt so helpless and powerless. I just watched my dad die, and I couldn't do anything about it.
My mom, at the time, worked on a hospital ship. I was lucky enough to have her ship respond to the attack, and I managed to reconnect with her.
One of the first things she did was ask where my dad was. I couldn't give her an answer, and she filled the silence herself.
Nothing can match the pain I felt when she broke down in front of me. We'll talk more about her later.
I had been given a concussion, bruises, and 2nd degree burns. I was treated and recovered over a few days.
Although, a few hours after the first attack, something different happened. I don't know how to describe it, but it was like the world collapsed around me. All of my thoughts were too fast to understand, but there was this feeling that something terrifying was gonna happen... and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I don't know if there's a term for that, but I still experience them to this day. For the sake of simplicity, let's call them doom spirals.
(Creator's note: what he is referring to is a panic attack.)
All of this happened so fast... it felt like the world didn't want me anymore. Like it wanted me gone, and when it couldn't take me, it took my soul.
A few months after the attack, I met Penelope Patterson. She's the one behind most of the articles and posts you see from the company. Since I was still in my hole, it was really nice to have someone who would stand by me... and honestly? I'm so lucky to have her. She's been my ride-or-die for so many years, and I don't know if I'd still be here without her.
On that note, around 2 more months pass, and I hit an all time low. I'm failing all of my classes, I can't focus on anything, and I feel like all I do is weigh on the people around me.
So, one night, I went to the highest building in Juno Village I could find.
The view was beautiful. The stars were bright, the mountains were a great background, and the town below me was like another set of stars. And if I had to pick the last thing I wanted to see, that would be it.
And I almost did.
I held onto the necklace my dad gave me, closed my eyes, and leaned forward a bit. But then I heard someone call out to me. I turned around, and it was mom.
She had come all the way out here, just to tell me not to do it. It's something that I don't understand. Even to this day. She could've been free of my weight, but she chose not to be.
But, nonetheless, seeing her in tears again made me rethink everything. I didn't want to be in pain, but I didn't want her to be in pain either.
Eventually, Penelope found out about what had happened. I expected her to scream at me or to fuss me out, but she didn't. She held my hands, like she always did. Even though this was so much more different than before.
And she told me something that's stuck with me ever since.
"Would you want to be free of the pain, or would you want to help stop the pain you experienced from happening to someone else?"
And, ever since then, I've wanted to end the war.
By this time around, I'm about 15. I don't feel hurt as much, but more... emotionless? I don't know how to describe the feeling.
(Creator's note: the word he's looking for is "numb.")
I still had doom spirals (sometimes during school, which was really embarrassing and hard to deal with), but other than that, I couldn't feel much of anything.
I managed to pick myself up a bit, and I barely scraped by high school with Penelope's help. I genuinely cannot thank her enough.
For a while, I had some actual free time before I picked up college. For most of that time, I tried to do what I usually did. Sleep in, do random things I found fun, and write down the little thoughts I had.
This time around though, I couldn't, for whatever reason. I wasn't able to sleep, nothing felt appealing, and none of the ideas that came to mind felt like they were good enough to write down. Hell, I couldn't even leave my room.
For weeks on end, I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth or anything. I just stayed in my room. I know it's disgusting, but I felt like I didn't have the capacity to do anything more than wake up.
This continued over all of summer break. Nobody heard back from me, I became an absolute wreck, and... I don't know.
Eventually, I had to get myself back together for university. Thankfully, Penny was really supportive during that.
I honestly don't remember too much from university. It might’ve been 4 years, but it all felt like one really big blur. I know I learned something, but if you told me to name the things I learned or people I met, I wouldn’t be able to tell you.
One thing I can remember though, was during the 2nd semester. She had given me a red binder, and told me to write names that I found in it, starting with my dad. I know it sounds stupid, but it helped me move forward. I can’t explain the feeling it gives me.
With the war still going, I started poking my head around politics and defense. Something I took note of, was something I started calling “Doctrinal gaps”. Basically, missing weapons that would help end the war. I thought this was just an error on the contractors’ ends, so I called parliament, tried lobbying. And waited. Nothing happened. I tried again, called parliament, came with evidence, and waited again. Nothing happened. This continued for a few years.
Eventually, I gave up and decided to try and fix it myself. With the help of Penny, and the financial support of investors, I started Rokugou Systems. We wanted to fill the doctrinal gaps that nobody else would. And that’s how the company came to be.
It was great for a while. We were making progress, creating new weapons that worked, and helping hold Ali back. But then, things started slowing down. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough, and I started pressuring myself more. I guess I did something wrong during that time, because I lost my composure and broke down while texting Penny. I had accidentally sent that to the company’s forum page. It was terrifying, since I never wanted that to get out, but… here we are.
I hope you all understand where I’m coming from. It’s been a really long journey, and I want you to see it how I see it. If I’m being honest, I’m in tears writing this. I’ll take a few more days, then I’ll return to the company. Thank you for understanding.